Funny Instagram Captions

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Liberte, Egalite, Beyonce
If this weekend goes as planned, I will not include any actual plans.
90% of my Google search history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell.
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Relationship status: Sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
Hakuna the fucking Matata
How do I take my coffee? Seriously. Very, very seriously.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.